Attack of the Giant Roach Day and the resulting baked good

So I had kind of a traumatic morning. There I was, about to clean the bathroom, and in the utility closet, there was a filthy, disgusting, overly-large cockroach sitting on my microfiber duster. Now in the South, roaches are not indicative of say, living in one’s own filth. They’re just part of the landscape. In all fairness to the vile specimen, I don’t think it was actually alive. It looked like it was missing a few legs (probably a result of a fight with one of the cats) and wasn’t doing anything too horrible, like flying at my face or moving. Still, just in case, I put on pants, galoshes, and elbow-length rubber gloves before grabbing last month’s issue of Bon Appetit.

I then called Kendal and left him a hysterical voicemail.

“Weaselthere’sayuckyroachyinthebathroomclosetandIdon’tknowwhattodo.”

 I couldn’t do it. I was terrified of it doing…something. I stood around the corner from the closet, magazine in hand, and kept peeking around the corner to make sure that the roach hadn’t moved. After about ten minutes of trying (and failing) to screw up the courage to dispose of the bug, I closed the closet door, and tried to clean the bathroom normally. However, I did keep checking nervously behind me just in case the roach had resurrected, consumed the Windex, and grown to be nine feet tall. I don’t remember watching a lot of terrible 1950s B-movies as a child, but who knows?

 Shaken from my ordeal, I needed something to calm my nerves. Since they make reality shows about housewives who drink before noon, I figured this would be a good time to make beer bread.

 This recipe came to me from Kendal’s cousin Amy, and it’s a winner. It takes all of five minutes to throw together, and you’re rewarded with a warm loaf of a slightly sweet quick bread. It goes extremely well with any soup or stew, and makes outstanding cheese toast the next morning. You can use any kind of beer, but your bread will only be as good as the beer you use. I think Red Stripe is the best. And don’t think you have to wait for Attack of the Roaches Day to make this.

 Beer Bread

3 cups all-purpose flour

1 1/2 tablespoons baking powder

1 1/2 teaspoons salt

1/2 cup sugar

1 12 ounce bottle of beer (nothing too cheap or bitter)

2 tablespoons butter, melted

Stir together flour, baking powder, salt, sugar, and beer in a medium bowl. Pour into a lightly greased 9x5 inch loaf pan and bake at 350˚ for 45 minutes. Brush melted butter over top. Bake for 10 more minutes. Cool in pan on wire rack for 10 minutes, then turn out. Serve warm or at room temperature.